Category: controlling anxiety

5 Fun Things to do in Southeastern Colorado

In this post I detail a trip to see the Royal Gorge, an extinct volcano and a tarantula migration near southeastern Colorado

 

A deep gorge, volcanoes and large spiders…oh my!

Southeastern Colorado is a bit of an undiscovered gem! It doesn’t provide the fancy, ski resorts that people think of for the state so it’s kind of overlooked. It does still have much to offer though with beautiful mountains, lovely weather, and the best part for many of us…fewer crowds! Also, some of the attractions are lower-cost as they aren’t as well known!

Cañon City Colorado and the Royal Gorge

Cañon City is located in south-central Colorado about 40 miles west of I-25 and the larger town of Pueblo. This small town features a fun, downtown area that reminded us of Grand Junction. It offers lots of outdoor opportunities including hiking and rafting (when weather permits). It is also home to Colorado’s iconic Skyline Drive as well as a cool, scenic railroad and the incredible Royal Gorge!

Skyline Drive

Skyline Drive is a one-way, single-lane route that runs for about three miles, parallel to US 50, on the western edge of Cañon City.  The drive traverses the spine of some nearby hills and towers about 800 feet above the nearby town. There are also some fossilized, dinosaur footprints found near the road!

View of a narrow, mountain road with dropoffs on both sides and rocky edges, overlooking a scenic valley and distant mountains under a partly cloudy sky.

Skyline Drive: Would you believe this is considered one of the scarier drives in Colorado?! Hehe, I could call with a few shelf roads we’ve grown familiar with over the years!

The next two pictures are views of Cañon City from Skyline Drive:

A scenic view of a winding road passing through a valley with hills, scattered vegetation, and mountains in the distance under a partly cloudy blue sky. Sunlight breaks through the clouds, casting light on the landscape.

A wide landscape view of a small town with scattered houses, open fields, and mountains in the distance under a clear blue sky with a few clouds. Sunlight casts shadows across the valley.

Royal Gorge

I have mentioned my immense fear of heights in the past. That was challenged on this trip! We visited the Royal Gorge which is also on the west side of Cañon City–this one has been on my bucket list for several years!

The Royal Gorge is a gorge–as the name implies–that is more than 1200 feet deep! Here the Arkansas River cuts a deep canyon through the local bedrock. The site is open all year (weather-permitting) and offers a number of attractions including: walking the bridge across the Gorge (which is ironically also about 1200 feet long); both a zip line and gondola ride across the Gorge; yummy–albeit expensive–food choices; playground-type areas for kids and some theaters that offer various informational shows on the history of the Gorge. There is also a via ferrata!–my fear if heights said ABSOLUTELY NOT to this option! Most of the activity options are included in the general, ticket price with the exception of the zipline and via ferrata (and the food, of course!) There is also a scenic train ride that starts in town and travels through the bottom of the gorge (for an additional cost of course)–some of the cars even have glass ceilings!

The Royal Gorge is a great attraction for adults and it is absolutely family-friendly, so bring the kids too!

The bridge that spans the Gorge:

A long suspension bridge spans a deep, rocky canyon with a river at the bottom, surrounded by rugged, reddish cliffs and distant mountains under a cloudy sky.

A deep rocky gorge with steep cliffs, spanned by a suspension bridge on the rim. A river flows at the bottom of the canyon, surrounded by rugged terrain and sparse vegetation. Mountains are visible in the distant background.
If you look closely at the bottom you can see the train traversing the bottom of the gorge

There are no vehicles allowed on the bridge (with the exception of employees of the site). The crossing was a little rough for me! The bridge moves in the wind (as it’s designed to do) and is especially nerve wracking when golf carts used by the employees are driving across it!

The pic below is through the wooden slats from the middle of the bridge, looking at the river 1200 feet below! 

View of a rocky canyon and river far below, seen through a narrow gap between two wide, weathered wooden planks.
“Long way down!”–I’m feeling my inner GooGoo Dolls with this pic!

We also enjoyed the gondola (or tram) ride on our return trip across the gorge. It was also a bit frightening as the cars swing back and forth some in the wind (again, as they are designed to do) while you dangle above the yawning chasm of the gorge!  I’m really glad we both walked the bridge and took the gondola-tram as both options offered amazing views and opportunities to see the gorge differently!

The gondola-tram across the Gorge:

A deep rocky canyon with a river flowing at the bottom, surrounded by steep cliffs. A red tramway car travels across the canyon on cables under a cloudy sky.

There are also some hiking trails in the park that we enjoyed. Just realize these don’t offer much shade and this area can get pretty hot in the summer months (it was in the 80s when we were there in October!)

The Royal Gorge–facing east!

A scenic view of a rocky canyon with a river winding through it, surrounded by rugged mountains and dry vegetation, all under a partly cloudy blue sky. In the foreground, there are shrubs and a twisted, weathered tree.

Below is a pic of the tracks for the incline tram that was the original way for tourists to access the gorge–this is no longer in use:

A steep, rocky canyon with reddish cliffs, sparse green trees on top, and a narrow railway track running down the side of the canyon, under a partly cloudy sky. Mountains can be seen in the background.

 

Royal Gorge facing west!

A deep rocky canyon with steep, rugged cliffs and a winding river at the bottom; train tracks run alongside the river. The sky above is cloudy, and distant mountains are visible on the horizon.

A winding river flows through a deep, rocky canyon with steep, rugged cliffs and sparse vegetation under a cloudy sky.

Capulin Volcano National Monument in New Mexico

**Author’s note: Just a word of warning, as this is a National Monument, no dogs are allowed on any trails (exceptions for Service Animals). They are only permitted in the campgrounds and parking lots.**

Ok, Capulin Volcano is actually in far, northern New Mexico but it’s REALLY close to Colorado and can easily be implemented into a southeast Colorado road trip! 😁  

A large stone sign for Capulin Volcano National Monument stands beside a road, surrounded by grassy fields and hills, under a blue sky with scattered clouds.

Capulin Volcano is found in the far, northeastern corner of New Mexico about three miles north of the tiny town of Capulin. It’s also about 25 miles east of I-25 and Raton, New Mexico and about 60 miles southeast of Trinidad, Colorado.

The volcano is pretty cool!  It is technically extinct–though from my extremely limited understanding of volcanology, an “extinct” volcano simply means it hasn’t erupted in a REALLY long time…but that in no way ensures another eruption isn’t possible (case in point)!

We have not had good luck with this attraction! In 2017 we tried to visit it on a road trip. By the time we arrived the gate to drive the road was already closed for the day. We could have walked up but I was still recovering from a NASTY stomach flu so there was no way that was going to happen.

When we visited in 2025 it was in the middle of a lengthy, Federal government shutdown so the gate was again closed. I was pretty frustrated as this had been on my list for SO LONG and it was a beautiful day! Fortunately there was a friendly ranger volunteering at the closed visitor center. (He was offering safe views from his telescope of solar flares that were occurring on the sun. That was pretty cool to see!) He also assured us we were still welcome to walk the four miles up and down the closed road to the top of the volcano.

A paved road ends at a closed gate with several warning signs and a stop sign. Trees and greenery line both sides of the road under a clear blue sky.
EVERY. TIME. we have tried visiting Capulin Volcano, we see this!

At the time I was about 8-months out, still recovering from my NASTY, broken ankle (though by then my PT was telling me, “use your ankle!”) So…we did! I was NOT missing this volcano again if I had anything to say about it and the experience was actually pretty cool. We literally had the entire mountain to ourselves! The hike up and down was on a paved road so it wasn’t too bad! (Though there is NO SHADE in northern New Mexico so it could be pretty hot depending on the weather. When we were there in mid-October it was a LOVELY 75-ish degree day with a breeze at 7000 feet elevation!)

View from our hike up Capulin Volcano–I feel the need to remind my readers again of my utter fear of heights! 😂  

View from above, a wide vista from high above of grassy plains, scattered trees, and patches of forest under a clear blue sky with distant hills and mountains on the horizon.
You can see other volcano cones in the local area

View of a vast landscape with green trees and shrubs in the foreground, open plains in the middle, distant mountains on the horizon, and a blue sky with scattered clouds above. View from above, a vast landscape view of a grassy plain with scattered trees, rolling hills, and distant mountain ranges under a clear blue sky with a few clouds. The foreground features dense, green shrubs and trees.

When you reach the top of the volcano there is a small parking lot (apparently sometimes the road is actually open to cars!–Mr. Trekker actually visited here in college and they WERE able to drive the road.) There are also some hiking trails that traverse the rim of the volcano crater and one that takes you down into its center. Of course we did this one–it was a little unnerving!

Views from inside the hardened crater inside the volcano:

View from the bottom of a crater...a dirt path leads to a wooden bench surrounded by dry grass and shrubs at the base of a sunlit, sloping hillside under a bright blue sky
View from the bottom of the crater looking up the crater walls
View from the bottom of a crater, a bright sun shines over a sloping hillside with green bushes and brown, dry grass complete with black, lava rocks comprising much of the hillside; all under a clear, blue sky.
LAVA!

A paved road ends at a closed gate with several warning signs and a stop sign. Trees and greenery line both sides of the road under a clear blue sky.

Highway of Legends

The Trekkers love their scenic drives and we found another one on this trip! We drove the easier (read “paved”) portions of the Highway of Legends. If I had known about this and researched it more we could have done the whole highway as the rougher (read “dirt”) portion of it ran very near our Air B&B–but as I mentioned earlier this part of Colorado is often overlooked and I had never heard of the highway until we arrived to the region.

The Highway of Legends Scenic Byway is a dirt road that basically cuts through the middle of this wilderness area. It runs largely east and west and roughly connects the tiny villages of Aguilar and Cuchara and traverses Cordova Pass–this portion of the route is largely closed in the winter and should be approached with more caution if you drive a lower-clearance sedan or any time the weather is wet/snowy as conditions may be far worse than on other, more-traveled roads.

The Highway of Legends is largely a scenic loop that runs along Highway 12 and eventually connects with US 160 near La Veta. It meanders through the beautiful, Spanish Peaks mountains of southeast Colorado and many small and historical towns like Cokedale, Valdez, Stonewall Gap, Monument Park and Cuchara. It ultimately connects the towns of Trinidad and Walsenburg. (If you want to take the REALLY easy way between these two larger towns–read the “BORING!” way–you can just take I-25. 😝)

Sites along the highway included some artifacts of the old, coke ovens used in the processing of coal out by Cokedale. This was a lovely drive through the mountains and it gave us ideas of potential, quieter places to camp in the future!

THE Spanish Peaks that the range was named after! 

Two mountains rise in the distance under a bright blue sky with fluffy white clouds, with a dense forest of green pine trees in the foreground.
We had this incredible view from our Air B&B!

We happened to drive the Highway of Legends on a cloudy, rainy day in October…it was BEAU-tiful and perfect for Fall colors!

A two-lane road runs past a wire fence and grassy field, with rocky hills, scattered trees, and cloudy skies in the background. A road winds through a forest with vibrant autumn foliage. Trees with yellow, orange, and green leaves line both sides of the road, and the sky above is cloudy and gray. A road runs through a rural area lined with trees showcasing bright yellow and some orange autumn foliage under a cloudy, gray sky.

A landscape of rolling hills covered in trees, with vibrant, yellow autumn foliage mixed among dark green pines, under a cloudy, gray sky.
Colorado, being moody!

Tarantula Migration in the grassland of southeast Colorado!

Authors note: I feel the need to remind my dear readers of my utter fear of arachnids! 😂 

La Junta, Colorado is a small town located about 60 miles east of I-25 and Pueblo near the Comanche National Grassland area. A unique occurrence happens here every fall. From September through early November thousands of large spiders trek around the dry grassland in search of love! (As someone with a severe case of arachnophobia, even I say, “aww!”)

This is a website put out by the town of La Junta–they even tell you prime places to go to see the spiders!

Basically, the male spiders hang out in their burrows mostly sleeping and eating for 5 – 10 years. Then, one fall, they get an urge and go searching for lucky lady spiders–who pretty much just hang out around their burrows for their MUCH longer lives (the females can live up to 25 – 30 years!)

A large, black and tan tarantula crawls on dry, sandy ground scattered with sparse green and brown grass.
Just an old man looking for love

There are a bunch of places to view the spiders but honestly, just drive the dirt roads around the Vogel Canyon area around sunset. (This is located in the Comanche National Grassland off Route 109 south of La Junta, Colorado.) The spiders use those roads as a highway!

Drive slowly and cautiously so you don’t hit them…and you can’t miss them! They are about the size of a human hand–legs included. I HATE spiders but these guys are SO CUTE as they kind of dance across the dirt! (Click here for a quick spider video!)

A long, straight, dirt road stretches into the distance across a dry, grassy plain. In the foreground, a dark tarantula, crosses the road. The sky is pale blue.
Spider on the highway!

Give these old guys their space though! The spiders aren’t venomous (though individual people could be allergic to their bite. Apparently they can also jump up to like two feet if they feel threatened…😮 and they can shoot the hairs off their back a ways which can imbed in your skin and get really itchy.)

Also, the spiders are pretty fragile so if you try to pick them up and accidentally drop them they can be injured–overall, just give these poor, old men a break. Most of them have completed their final molt and they’ve got one purpose left in life before they either become prey for a passing bird/snake, die of starvation or, as is common in spider world…they become dinner for their hungry mate!–there are worse ways to go out I suppose though, then enjoying a little romance. 😉

A close-up of a large, black ant walking on a gravel road, scattered with small pebbles and white spots.
The spiders were SO CUTE!
To Conclude

Southeastern Colorado isn’t nearly as well-known or popular as the majority of the rest of the state but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth a visit. It is kind of a hidden gem that still offers some incredible beauty as well as a quieter, more secluded experience than much of the rest of the Rocky Mountain State.

So if you’re looking for a different, family (and wallet)-friendly travel option in Colorado, check it out!

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Mindful Thoughts on COVID

In this post, I look back COVID, from my perspective.

 

In the spring of 2020, the world ended (metaphorically speaking)…it still feels surreal…COVID…I feel like it became a punchline…of the worst joke EVER! 😝  So many people lost income and jobs to the Pandemic (I did), and so many lost their livelihoods.  So many people had their lives abruptly changed and for some things may never fully return to normal…

We were lucky out here in South Dakota.  We never had any real, state-wide mandates (masks or otherwise).  Most people were good about wearing masks during the height of the Pandemic.  (You still see people wearing them occasionally.  I still wear them sometimes for work but that’s because I work with people who are very high risk who also live and spend time in community settings.)

I am still awed at how a minuscule event in one corner of the world could shut the entire globe down…

The majority of the US population now has COVID antibodies (whether through vaccines, natural immunity, or both)

They say that as much as 95% of Americans now have COVID antibodies, whether that be from the vaccines, natural immunity, or both.  If I NEVER hear the words “herd immunity” again, it will be too soon! 😤 *sigh*

Mr. Trekker and I have both 😝

Mr. Trekker and I stayed healthy for a long time!  We both received our 3rd round of COVID shots in late 2021…and then we both got COVID (probably Omicron) in early January 2022.

I got it from him, we have no idea how he got it. 😝 

We didn’t have it too bad, it mostly felt like a bad sinus infection/cold. Interestingly enough, between the two of us, we were more worried about me getting it because I have mild asthma.  As it turned out, I hardly had a cough at all, while Mr. Trekker ended up with a mild cough for several weeks afterward…this virus is weird!

I also ended up with mild pinkeye as a side effect of my first round with COVID (apparently that isn’t too unusual with viruses.)  Since then, my eyes have become INCREDIBLY sensitive.  They’ve always been that way but now, if they get dry from dust or wind, or if I am near any food that could be considered even the teeniest bit spicy, my eyes will begin to burn and water horribly (like to the point where I can’t see out of them. 😝)  This is especially true in my right eye which is also the one that had the worse pink eye symptoms.

Then in June 2022, we both got it again…

This time, I’m pretty sure I got it from a client (even though we were sitting outside and she wasn’t symptomatic at the time.)

I then proceeded to pass it on to Mr. Trekker and MommaTrekker. 😔

We were really worried about her as she’s over 70 and has several pre-existing conditions. She had just had a booster a few weeks before though and honestly faired better than either of us! 

This time it didn’t last as long and the symptoms weren’t as severe. Unfortunately, we both ended up with a cough that lasted WEEKS and more lasting Long COVID symptoms from this round–mostly brain fog and memory issues (that unfortunately lasted for YEARS afterward!)

Again…*sigh*

I HATE this virus! 😡

Then in late 2024 my parents and I were at church together. I remember distinctly thinking this is the first time in SO LONG that I can remember that I’ve been in a situation like this where I don’t hear ANYONE coughing or sneezing–by Tuesday both myself and both parents were sick! Yep, tested positive for COVID a THIRD time! 🙃 (Fortunately this time was the most mild for all of us, and Mr. Trekker lucked out as he was away for a work conference at the time and he completed missed out on the fun. 😝)

Mindfulness in the Midst of a Worldwide Pandemic

I try and keep a somewhat positive outlook on the whole experience by being mindful of how the pandemic ACTUALLY played out vs. how the experts feared it might end up.

There were more than one million deaths in the US from COVID-19, and millions more worldwide, and to be clear, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of these was awful!  However, when the whole mess started the experts were projecting more than two million deaths in the US alone, before the end of 2020, and that was with social distancing protocols being implemented.

I don’t mean to make light of the tragic losses that did occur, but this FAR lower statistic is a pretty amazing feat!  It is a testament to the scientists, researchers, medical professionals, and technology we have available to us at this point in history!  If this awful virus had come around 100 years ago or more, billions could have died! (Think the Spanish Flu.)

Valid Emotions During Crisis Situations:

We all experience and respond to crises differently but I think it’s important to acknowledge that whatever feelings you had regarding COVID were valid.  We should be mindful of how we express them but don’t run from these emotions (be they positive or negative).  Accept them and acknowledge they exist (because they will whether you fight them or not).  We must allow ourselves to feel whatever it is we need to.  Below are some emotions I experienced throughout COVID:

Anger About the Pandemic:

—Hoarding: Many people seemed to think only of themselves and didn’t save enough products for others (some who were seniors or the immune-compromised who really shouldn’t have been going out).  If you aren’t the Duggars, or you aren’t buying toilet paper for multiple families, you don’t need to hoard! 😡 

On the other hand, we were told not to hoard, but then the CDC and other emergency preparedness groups came out and said to have up to a month’s supply of food on hand…what were we supposed to do with those two bits of contradictory information? 🤷

Leave people alone!: I never understood many peoples’ desires to comment on the choices of others.  I’ve said before on several occasions that I lean Libertarian so I’m pretty big on people being left alone to make their own choices.  However, I do understand in crisis situations when at least local governments may need to implement certain restrictions in the interest of Public Health.

More so than that though, I don’t understand peoples’ need to criticize others for wearing a mask or being careful when the general public is no longer being forced to.  You have no idea what a person’s situation is. Just because they wear a mask doesn’t necessarily mean they’re “living in fear” (and if they are, so what? How does that affect you?)  They may be immunocompromised (or be caring/living with someone who is.)

There was a point, several years into the pandemic, where I was preparing for–and recovering from–MAJOR abdominal surgery that required a multi-day hospital stay.  I went full March 2020 and wore masks for WEEKS in public around that time.  It wasn’t that I was “scared” per se, but I did NOT want to get sick with ANYTHING!  It could have led to my surgery being delayed, my getting horrifically ill, or serious complications after surgery due to violent coughing/sneezing/vomiting. 

So, why not just leave people alone to do what they feel is best for them? (And you can do the same for yourself!)

—The Media:  I often felt a sense of rage at the news media.  I’ve distrusted them in the past but after COVID I’ve become completely jaded–regarding the virus and most other news-worthy issues.  They seemed to mislead at every turn if it could cause controversy. (I probably shouldn’t be surprised anymore but I still am at points.)

I’d read a clickbait headline that makes one claim and then goes on to almost disprove itself if you read the actual text of the article, or watch the entirety of the video clip they referenced in the article.  They weren’t openly lying, because there was a semblance of truth in what they said, but their claim was so far from the truth that it may as well have been a lie with the message they were proclaiming to the masses (and for the record, I don’t care which news source is your favorite, I’ve seen ALL of them do this.)

They seemed to take pleasure in reporting bad news and stirring people up.  They didn’t take the time to fully research information, that would apparently have taken too long. 🙄  It seemed to be more important that they were “the first” to break a story.  The really shameful thing was, that I don’t believe they cared.  They just went happily along reporting bad news every chance they got because it may have helped a reporter’s career or a certain company’s reputation.

Depression and Anxiety over COVID:

Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows I already struggle with anxiety (which obviously, COVID caused for many of us.)  One symptom of anxiety is catastrophizing.  This means your mind automatically jumps to worrying about the worst-case scenario and that was SO EASY to do during COVID.

I believe I’m technically an optimist at heart.  I try to focus on the positive (although I worry about the worst-case scenario, of course, especially with my anxiety).  But it just felt like, during the Pandemic, that so many only wanted to focus on the worst thing that could happen and they wanted to scream that to the world.  Why?  Why do we seem to focus on things that make ourselves and others miserable?

We need to rely on Logic, not Emotion during these difficult situations!  I believe we have to be calm and logical when dealing with times like these.  I don’t mean to sound snarky, but why can’t people stay rational when things get difficult without immediately jumping to APOCOLYPSE?!  It feels like they’re pouring salt into an already raw, gaping wound…

COVID is here to stay–unfortunately…

COVID will never be “fully” over, at least not for the next few decades.  From what I’ve heard from the experts, fairly regular–hopefully mild–infections and regular vaccines (at least for some) are going to remain a part of “normal” life. 😕  

At one time I was hopeful that we were on our way out of this mess.  Now that I’ve done everything right (at least regarding getting my vaccines) and (at least I) STILL got COVID (THREE TIMES!)–AND we’ve got Long-COVID symptoms I’m more skeptical…

I believe in science. I believe it’s very possible the reason neither of the Trekkers got all that sick from this potentially deadly disease was due to our vaccines.  I also believe the reason none of our parents have gotten very ill from COVID is due to vaccines.  And I am VERY thankful for these! 

But when we got sick 1 MONTH after getting our boosters (in my case this happened two. seperate. times!) I just felt…DONE.  I think, at that moment, I just gave up.  It’s here, it isn’t going away, and we have to learn to live with it….THE END. 😪

I understand the vaccines probably worked as intended and those in our families who have had COVID while vaccinated came through relatively unscathed.  But we still got it, and I’m assuming if another strong variant develops, we will likely be at risk of at least mild disease from that.  So, this is our “new normal”. 

We will probably have the threat of at least mild illness always looming…possibly for the rest of our lives…it sucks but I just feel like that’s what we have to adjust to and accept for the foreseeable future. *sigh*–again!

Searching for Hope and Encouragement in Crisis Situations

I have to end this post on a good note, right?

I can’t help it.  Even with my learned helplessness after years of being beaten down by COVID, I still feel a glimmer of hope.

COVID was a unique time in our lives.  Many of us have never experienced something like this before.  As a (very OLD) Millenial, the only country-wide crisis I’ve really had to deal with was the September 11th terrorist attacks.

I grew up hearing stories about my grandparents’ generation dealing with World War II, the rationing of meat, the transitioning of factories to make equipment for the military, and the various Drives people engaged in at home for the “war effort”.  I always wondered what it would be like to be able to do something like that to help your country.  Now I know…

Through all this, I’ve been reminded that there is a lot of good in the world, and times like these are when it really shows.

A lot of good things DID happen!  Vaccines were produced in an unheard-of, record time.  So many people bound together to help each other get through the crisis, from wearing masks and social distancing in public to those who volunteered their time to make masks for local schools and hospitals.  Others ran errands for people who felt they couldn’t go out.  Some small businesses transitioned to help their local communities (like distilleries that stopped producing alcohol and started producing hand sanitizer instead.)

I think a lot of the world’s goodness was shown throughout COVID.  I know I’ve learned a lot, both about myself and also about the reality of country-wide/worldwide crises:  how they proceed, how people react to them, the good and the bad.

So there are things to be hopeful about regarding COVID!

What did the COVID crisis feel like to you?  What POSITIVE things did you see during this time of crisis?  Share your experiences in the comments!

 

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A Day in the Life of a Freelancer

In this post, I detail what I learned from my experience working as a freelancer.

 

Author’s Note: I wrote this article several years ago when I was working as a Freelancer, writing grants, online articles, and doing some consulting. Unfortunately, COVID brought that opportunity to a grinding halt (though I now have a more typical “9 to 5 job” I’m still blessed that it’s very flexible and it allows me to frequently work from home.) I thought people may still find my Freelance experience interesting though and I do hope to return to this type of work someday. 

I cannot express how thankful I was that I was able to seize this opportunity.  My thanks especially go out to my amazing hubby, as without him this wouldn’t have been possible (both emotionally and financially).  A word of warning, this type of work is not all roses and sunshine.  It’s hard work, there isn’t a lot of job security and it requires a large amount of personal discipline.  But the freedom it gave me to live my life as I chose made it all worth it!

Can you freelance in most professions?

Freelance work covers a wide range of industries.  It can be anything from online writing, web design, or consulting to an artist who is contracted for work or a person selling beauty products or supplements on the side.

A freelancer could be a stay-at-home parent who babysits other people’s children in addition to their own, jobs like Uber, or a dog walker.  Basically, it is any service contracted between you and another party, for any type of payment.

Payment may not even be financial in nature.  While I firmly believe no one should work for “free”, it isn’t unusual to do at least some freelance work for no financial compensation.  Instead, “payment” could include experience earned, connections made, or even just the hope of future dividends paid.  I got started as a volunteer and this eventually morphed into a paid opportunity.  

Freelancing can be a physical job based on a hand-shake with a real human, or a gig in the new, online workforce where you may never meet or even see your client face-to-face.  Literally ANYONE can do this!

Is freelancing a “real” job?

The answer is a resounding YES! (and it can be TOUGH!)  Freelancing often gets a bad rap.  It’s become more and more accepted and normal in the past few years (especially during COVID), and trends suggest this will only continue into the future.

But many people (and even some businesses and potential employers) treat it with condescension.  They think all we freelancers do is sit on the porch all day, sipping on lemonade while we type on our laptops.

To be fair, there is a little truth to this idea (says the woman who is currently typing on her laptop while sitting on the porch. 😇) 

But many don’t realize the effort that goes into freelancing…

A freelance job is stressful

I didn’t fully appreciate just how stressful freelancing would be when I first started.  There are things they don’t tell you about this “dream job”.  For one, you literally don’t get paid unless you’re actively working.  That may seem silly to say, but you don’t realize just how tiring a day of work can be until you don’t make a dime unless the project is delivered and completed, to the client’s liking.  Whether it takes you two hours or two days to complete the project, the payment is the same.  Even if you bill a client on an hourly basis, you have to justify every minute of that hour. 

At a typical hourly (or even salaried) job, you get paid for those breaks you take to run to the coffee machine, or the bathroom, or to stop by a coworker’s desk to discuss a project (and end up shooting the breeze for the next 20 minutes).  As a freelancer, you don’t, you literally have to work for every…single…cent you make.  It’s a wonderful, flexible, exhilarating, rewarding experience, but it’s also tiring.  I can honestly say I felt more tired at the end of the day, working part-time from home as a freelancer, than I almost ever have working a normal, 9 – 5, hourly job. 

There is a lack of job security with freelance work

There is also the financial strain of fluctuating, irregular income, and extreme job uncertainty with freelance work.  While no job is “guaranteed”, people with long-term employment are usually pretty comfortable that their job will still be there next week or next month.  With freelancing, there is virtually no job security.  There are some contracted positions, but those are usually only “guaranteed” until the current project is complete (and as we all learned with COVID you can be laid off at any time, with little to no warning.)  Most freelancers are continuously seeking out new work.

Freelancers work an irregular schedule

You can spend days or weeks with almost no work, and then a big project will crop up with little notice (which is wonderful, for the money and experience, but it can cause a lot of sudden stress and really throw off a family routine). 

Please understand I don’t intend any of these statements as complaints.  I LOVED working as a freelancer and hope to return to it someday.  I am VERY aware of just how fortunate I was to even be allowed this opportunity.  I just want people to understand that just like any job, working for yourself has its challenges, as well.

Freelancer pearls of wisdom

I learned a lot through my freelancer experience, and I know a lot of freelancers who are striving to make their “side-hustles” work, so I thought I’d pass on a few pearls of wisdom:

–Freelance work is INCREDIBLY rewarding.  This was one of the only jobs where  I actually felt like I EARNED every single dime I made (don’t tell any of my “real” bosses I said that! 😛)  That felt REALLY GOOD!

It was ironic, I made less working as a freelancer than I had in more than a decade, but I felt more proud of the work I did and the income I received.  It reminded me of when I first started working in high school.  Even though the checks weren’t large, I knew I busted my butt for every single dime I received (of course, then Uncle Sam comes in and takes his share…😤)

–I find online freelance work can be surreal.  It IS work, it takes time, planning, and mental energy.  But it doesn’t FEEL “real”.  Depending on the type of work you do, tt may not be unusual to only communicate with clients via email or online messaging.  You may never hear their actual voice, or even know what they look like!  Then there’s also the fact that your work is magically sent into the ether that is the World Wide Web, and then, a while later, if the client is pleased, money magically appears in your bank account. 😮

I’ve gotten several jobs through Upwork, a freelance matching service.  There are several platforms like this out there that allow freelancers to connect with potential clients around the world.  I’ve worked with companies as far away as Seattle.  Living in western South Dakota, just a few, short years ago it would have been hard to even connect with a place like this.

–I am still somewhat amazed that you can actually make a decent income, literally working from your backyard.  I have learned that there are actually legitimate companies out there that will pay you a decent wage to work from home.  It takes a little luck to get established and to find some of the connections, but once you get over that hurdle, depending on the time you have available, your internet connectivity, your skillset, and your determination, you can make a decent career for yourself as a freelancer.

–I liked being able to pick and choose what companies I wanted to work with and what projects I wanted to work on.  Obviously, if I was picky, that meant less money in my pocket.  But it enriches your work life when you don’t have a boss forcing you to work on a project you aren’t interested in or being forced to work with a company you don’t respect.

–I had to learn about things like quarterly tax payments to the state, and “estimated tax” to the Federal government.  Ugh, every time I had to deal with the bureaucracy involved with these my Libertarian heart grew a little larger (and I say that as a former State employee living in a business-tax-friendly state! 🤑)

–Then there’s the constant bane of my existence, the one act of blogging that makes me want to rip my hair out and throw the–not inexpensive–laptop across the room…the dreaded coding. 🤮  I HATE coding!  I’m learning to do it, though I’m still an extreme novice, but I HATE it.  I know, this is an unpopular opinion, and I probably just made a bunch of “Women-in-STEM” advocates cringe, 😉 but I can’t help it.  I HATE it! 😋

I find coding is a tedious process.  The more I understand, the more I can use it, but it just doesn’t spark my interest.  A lot of people really enjoy it, and I can kind of understand why.  It is like a puzzle that needs to be solved (kind of like math, which I also HATE! 😉) 

But for me, the time spent trying to figure out why that stupid heading INSISTS on remaining in the middle of the page just feels like a waste of time.  It’s probably mostly that the blog isn’t making much income at this time.  That’s ok, that’s how these things work and I understand that.  The hope is that it will pay dividends in the future.  But I think the stress of spending hours fighting the code would be much easier to handle if a hefty salary came along with it. 😛

Goals I was able to achieve in my attempt at freelancing:

      • I’ve was able to develop a decent portfolio of online travel writing that served me well in long-standing jobs
      • My grant writing career didn’t progress like I hoped it would. COVID, and the resulting economic decline saw to that. I did find  I could only focus on a few projects at once, so having one or two clients I could place all my focus on was much better than having to divide that focus out among numerous agencies.I originally started by providing volunteer services.  I learned A LOT during those years, and am happy to say that knowledge paid off as several grants I submitted were approved for funding.  It’s incredibly satisfying to be able to help local, non-profit agencies that I care about and can see literally helping people in my own community, to be able to continue to provide those necessary services.
      • For a short time, I was able to work as a consultant for a local agency and was able to pull from several previous jobs to succeed in that position.
      • Regarding the blog, I have learned SO MUCH regarding marketing, social media, and coding and I’ve even begun to master the much-dreaded SEO. 😮   Don’t let anybody kid you, maintaining a blog can be a full-time job in itself.  But I’m excited to say I’m finally starting to see some success and growth!

You won’t find a more flexible, family-friendly work environment than that of a freelancer.  But, there’s also the stress that comes from uncertain job security and the financial strain that’s caused when you move away from a steady, full-time income (and benefits).  This is made far easier for anyone who can lean on a partner or spouse for financial support or things like health insurance, but not everyone is in that position, which makes freelancing even more difficult.

To Conclude

Many people pursue freelancing on a part-time basis as the ever-popular “side hustle“.  This is a GREAT way to get started, it’s also far smarter and more secure financially.  But it poses problems of its own…

We’re all busy, trying to carve out time in our days around work, house chores, dealing with kids and/or elderly parents, or working around busy family schedules.  Finding time to fit in an additional job, especially one where you may not make much money for the first several years, can feel like an insurmountable obstacle.

I pursued this endeavor under the best of circumstances (I was financially able to lean on a partner for support and we don’t have kids), and I STILL felt the stress and eventually failed at my endeavor (at least for now. 😉)  I can’t imagine how people who deal with additional stressors manage.  So to all the other freelancers out there, trying to make it as a pioneer in this new, gig economy, my hats off to you!

Have you done freelance work?  What have you learned?  Are you interested in becoming a freelancer?  What additional questions do you have?  Let me know in the comments!

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Ode to an Old Friend

In this post, I remember the life of a wonderful dog!

 

After 12 wonderful years, we finally had to say goodbye to our family dog.  We aren’t sure exactly how old she was.  We adopted her as a young adult in 2007 so…she was at least 13 and could have been closer to 15, just based on the information we were given at the time of adoption.  This sweet, spoiled canine led a good, long life!

Allow yourself to feel grief

Sometimes “adulting” is hard.  I’ve spoken before about how we don’t like to experience any pain in the modern world if we can avoid it (and frequently we can).  There’s usually a pill that will at least help to dull the ache.  Pain is never completely avoidable in life, though.  One of those unavoidable heartaches is the loss of close friends (be they human or animal).  Grief sucks…and it HURTS!

We must keep in mind though, that this feeling of loss we are forced to experience from time to time is actually a sign of a good life.  That pain means you had something to love, something that added joy to your life, to begin with.  We should consider ourselves blessed if we have things in our lives that hurt so much to lose.

The Trekkers have been preparing for this eventuality for quite a while.  For the last several years, we’ve watched our dear friend, slow, lose her hearing, and the ability to fully enjoy many activities she used to delight in.  The dog who once–with enthusiasm–drug our butts all the way up and down the 6,683-foot Mt. Mitchell, in North Carolina, became a greying friend who could barely make it around the block. 

Our furry friend led an enjoyable life.  Since 2007 she’s accompanied us on countless hiking and camping adventures, traveled with us to both Indiana and New England to spend holidays with our families, and relocated more than 1700 miles across the country with us when we moved from North Carolina to the Black Hills of South Dakota. (She glared at me from the back seat of my Civic through every mile of that trip 😂!  This is a dog who used to get carsick after less than 15 minutes in a car, which made things interesting those first few years. 😛)

We adopted her from the Wake County Humane Society in Raleigh, North Carolina.  For anyone living in the area, this is an amazing place.  They provide an incredibly comprehensive survey to help match you with your ideal pet, and they provide support services after adoption (such as behavior counseling) if needed.

Happier memories of times past:
Black and tan dog lays on the back cushions of a sofa
She LOVED to sleep on the back of that couch (it did not survive her)! 😂
(View from the rear) Dog walks in front of a woman down a trail in the woods
Dragging Mommy down the trail…
(View from the rear) Dog walks down a snowy trail in front of a man
Dragging Daddy through the snow…
Black and tan hound dog stands on a rock in the forest
She loved getting outdoors!

Black and tan dog panting while standing in the forest

In case it isn’t obvious from the pictures, this pup was spoiled rotten.  😉

We received her terminal diagnosis several months before she died, so we were very blessed to get to spend so much extra time with her.  She ended up outliving the vet’s prognosis by several months!  We were so happy that she hung on long enough to be able to enjoy laying in the sun and rolling in the soft, green grass of spring again.

I have to say a huge, “thank you!” to the staff at Dakota Hills Veterinary Clinic as well.  They took such good care of our friend for the last eight years, she actually enjoyed going there.  On her last day on earth, she happily walked in the front doors, excited to see the friends she had made there.  The staff made a difficult and painful experience as easy as possible to bear. 

We were fortunate to have more than 12 long years with our friend, and I like to think she was pretty happy with her human pack members as well.   

We should all strive to live life like a hound dog!

Black and tan dog lays on green grass with a tennis ball in her mouth Black and tan dog rolls on her side in the grass and snow

Black and tan dog rolls on her side in the grass and snow

Black and tan dog rolls on her side in the grass and snow

Black and tan dog lays upside down in the grass

Goodbye old friend, you are missed but you will never be forgotten…

Black and tan dog lays in the bright, green grass

 

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Solo Hiking is Risky

In this post, I give a personal account that highlights why, I firmly believe, it is a bad idea to venture out into the Wilds alone.

 

Author’s Note:  I’ve touched on this subject before, but I feel it is VERY important so I decided it deserved its own post.  My opinion is a little controversial, but I don’t care.  Multiple situations we’ve encountered on the trail have fortified this belief…

SOLO HIKING IS VERY RISKY!

I know some people don’t like to hear this but stick with me here.  Some of us have an independent streak that is so strong it can, unfortunately, outweigh our common sense at times. 😇  

I’m not trying to tell people what to do, obviously, at the end of the day, we’re all adults and we have to make the final decision for ourselves on what is best for us.  Only we can determine what risks we’re willing to take regarding our own personal safety. I’m just trying to weave a cautionary tale.

Getting Stuck When Adventuring Alone

Several winters past we were snowshoeing in the Big Hill area on a warm, March day. (That portion of the Black Hills had received another foot of snow from a blizzard earlier in the week.)  We were hiking a new portion of the Big Hill recreation area, where new, fat bike and snowshoe trails had been added, that we weren’t very familiar with.  Unfortunately, due to its newness, the maps for these trails were a little unclear and not well signed (or if they were signed, the info was buried under several feet of snow). 😝

Accidents Can Happen FAST in the Wild…

We were maneuvering down a gulley, (which may or may not contain a creek bed in warmer months).  We thought we might be on-trail, but couldn’t really tell. (You are allowed to venture off-trail in these portions of the national forest, especially in the snow, and we knew our general location, so we were just having fun and exploring).  Mr. Trekker had taken the lead and was cutting trail, I was following almost exactly in his footsteps.  He took two steps, I took two steps…and my right leg immediately sunk into hip-deep snow.  

Normally, this isn’t too big of a deal.  It can be difficult to get out, but you just have to work at it.  This time, my leg was stuck fast.  I could move it around, but my ankle and foot refused to budge.  It was in the 40s and sunny that day, so the snow was heavy, wet, and easily packable. (This was one of those days where large ice-balls gather on the bottoms of your snowshoes as you walk.  I had sunk to almost knee-depth a short time earlier, and had a little trouble getting out as my snowshoe had created almost a vacuum in the snow.)  

So, we weren’t too concerned.  We began digging…and digging…and digging…

We finally dug far enough to reach my knee (we learned something from this event…snowshoes make good shovels! 😳) and I kept trying to loosen my foot but to no avail.  This was getting a little ridiculous!  Also, after several minutes half-buried in the white stuff, any part of my body that was touching the snow was starting to get cold! 🥶 

We kept digging and about the time we reached my shin we hit something hard…very hard.  We couldn’t tell what it was, other than we wouldn’t be able to move it and my snowshoe was lodged UNDER it.  We couldn’t reach my foot–it was enclosed in my hiking boot which was firmly lashed to my snowshoe…and we couldn’t reach the bindings on the snowshoe to free the boot…

…at this point, my claustrophobia started to set in.  I DO NOT like being stuck.  It makes me feel like I’m suffocating.  I had images of sinking into this hole and being smothered by all the *&%$# snow! 😝 

I wasn’t too worried about being stuck forever because we knew what we needed to do, and I knew I wasn’t injured…but you start getting a little panicked when the adrenaline from the fight-or-flight instinct kicks in, and that can easily override rational thought.  Fortunately, Mr. Trekker, with his IRRITATING AS HELL 😉😉 sense of calm was there to help keep my panic–mostly–at bay. 😝

You May Have to Wait a Long Time for an Outdoor Rescue

It was becoming clear that we’d have to tamp down the snow around where I was stuck to have any hope of getting me out, as every scoop we removed immediately filled in with more snow from other parts of the drift (it was almost like digging in sand).  So, Mr. Trekker set about using his snowshoes to make a base around me.  

By now I was starting to get uncomfortable.  I was getting covered in snow that was blowing back on me from what we were scooping out of the hole.  Also, the cold from the snow I was leaning on was conducting through my thin, hiking pants.  Fortunately, we had supplies. (Another safety rule, ALWAYS bring extra supplies, even on nice days when you’re venturing onto trails and areas you’re familiar with.  You NEVER KNOW when you will need them!)  

I had the windbreaker/top layer of my winter coat with me (which is waterproof).  I put that on to shield me from the snow blowback. We also always carry a small, 20-year-old rainfly from the first, $30 Walmart tent we ever purchased. (We usually use it as a base to sit on for lunch).  Today, it provided a much-needed, extra layer between the cold snow and my tush so I could sit–fairly comfortably–while Mr. Trekker worked to free me.    

A deep snow hole with gear spread around the top. A shadow of a person taking a picture covers part of the hole.
The picture doesn’t show the depth of the hole well, but it was close to six feet deep and maybe 10 feet in diameter!  The dark spot at the bottom is the log my foot was stuck under.  Snow had partially filled in the hole, already, by the time I got free.

FINALLY, my superhero-on-snowshoes was able to tamp down a base of snow around me to work from and then we set about digging further.  At some point, we figured out my foot was lodged under a large, fallen tree, and its entirety was buried under FEET of heavy, wet snow.  It wasn’t going to move, so I had to.  Finally, after about 30 minutes, Mr. Trekker was able to reach the lashings on my snowshoe and unhook them, and I was then able to remove my foot. I was free!!! (We were then easily able to twist the snowshoe around and lift it out.)  

To be clear, we never saw the ground.  There was snow under the fallen tree, as well, which means that portion of it wasn’t sitting on the ground. (We think there was probably an air pocket around the fallen tree and that’s what I fell into.)  So, we don’t know exactly how deep the drift was, but by the end, the snow piled up around me was at least shoulder-height from where I had sunk into the drift.  So, it was easily six feet deep at a minimum!

Solo Hiking can be Dangerous

Stuff happens fast out in the Wilds folks.  My “event” happened over the course of one step and about two seconds…and it took two, able-bodied adults more than 30 minutes to get me free.  I don’t necessarily think I would have died if I had been out there alone.  I wasn’t injured (fortunately) and I had full use of my arms and my other leg (as much as I could twist it around).  However, it would have been CONSIDERABLY more difficult, and taken considerably more time, to dig out if I’d had to rely on my own devices.  This increases the risk factor exponentially for two reasons:

      1. With the exception of my hiking boot and the gator covering my calf, the only protection between the entire rest of my leg and large amounts of cold snow was a thin layer of hiking pants (it was a warm day).  It was also breezy, so every time we tried to throw snow out of the hole, half of it would blow back in my face and cover me (adding to my wetness).  If I had been stuck out there long enough, frostbite could have become a real threat to the areas of my skin that were touching the snow.
      2. Hypothermia was the other concern.  Because it was warm and sunny, if I was able to stay above the snow, I stayed reasonably warm.  However, digging out meant getting covered in snow and getting wet.  It also meant leaning/sitting on cold snow at least somewhat.  If it had been 20 degrees–or more–colder, like it usually is when we venture out “shoeing”, the risk would have been even greater. I could have called for help, but that portion of the trail wasn’t heavily used (hence why we had to cut trail).  There were also a lot of snowmobilers in the area that day and their noise may have drowned out my cries.  

To conclude

So this brings us to my point.  Unless you are trekking a heavily used trail at a busy time, (and remember, even popular trails can be isolated at certain times of the day, the week, or the year) solo hiking (or solo-adventuring in any manner) is risky!  I know this position is strongly debated, I don’t care, I stand by my conviction.  Illness, injury, equipment breakdown, animal attack, losing your way, all these things can happen VERY quickly and easily.  Cell service is lost just as quickly, and GPS shouldn’t be trusted either.  All it takes is one, nasty rolled ankle, or a fall, to put you in a precarious situation that you can’t get out of on your own, or to leave you stuck somewhere you can’t call for help. 

Your furry friend is a great companion, but unless they can search for a cell signal, then dial 9-1-1, and THEN give a good explanation of your location—unlikely—they DON’T count as a trekking buddy. 😜 (A furry friend may have been able to help dig me out in this situation IF you could make them understand what was needed, and then IF you could get them to help correctly–maybe your dog is more well-behaved than ours). 😝  

This was one of those unique situations that don’t seem that bad on the surface.  I wasn’t injured, I wasn’t sick and we weren’t lost.  I just had my leg and foot trapped under a log and several feet of heavy, wet snow (as it was, we ended up “shoeing” around a good bit after Mr. Trekker “recovered” me.)  But in other conditions, or if I had been alone, this could have gone bad very quickly.  

I’m a firm believer in learning from the mistakes of others (or at least the situations others find themselves in).  So please, take my experience as a warning.  In my case, we avoided disaster.  But had I been alone, and had it been colder (or if I had been injured, God forbid), this could have very easily ended up as a rescue scenario and then only once I was able to raise help.

There was no cell service where I was, and I was stuck so I couldn’t crawl to where there was service.  I should also point out, we were less than a mile from a regularly-used road, so we weren’t really out in the wilderness–this wouldn’t have helped my situation either, had I been alone.  Likely no one on the road would have heard my cries for help (I was in a gully, they would have been driving by at 50 mph and their windows would have been closed).      

Obviously, I can’t force anyone to follow my advice.  There is no Adventure Police manning the trails ticketing people who venture into the wilderness alone.  But I think we can all logically acknowledge that it IS riskier to solo hike.  

Bad things can happen SO quickly and SO easily when we’re enjoying nature.  Even on fairly easy trails and/or on good-weather days.  A perfectly wonderful day can turn dangerous (or at least problematic) in an instant.  I’m not trying to be a killjoy, but I feel very strongly about this.  For that reason, I can never endorse someone adventuring alone, anywhere off the beaten path.

I know some people really enjoy going out alone, so you need to make the decision for yourself if it is worth the risk.  Also, sometimes, people don’t really have any acquaintances that enjoy these types of activities.  This problem is much easier to fix.  If you don’t have a trekking buddy, this is a great opportunity to make new friends!  Look for groups online or join a meetup group (or start one yourself!)  

So my final word on the subject is this:  I implore you, please, think twice before going on a solo hike!  

And also, sometimes, superheroes wear snowshoes! 😉😘😍

 

What are your thoughts about the risks of solo hiking?  Tell me in the comments!

 

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Anxiety: The Devil Inside

In this post, I discuss two songs that I feel well explain my struggle with anxiety.

 

“Where words fail, music speaks.”  –Hans Christian Anderson

Music has long been known to stimulate the brain and emotions.  An entire field of therapy has evolved around this theory.  Anyone who has read this blog for a while knows that I struggle with anxiety and some depression.  I’ve mentioned previously how certain songs speak to me.  Today I am going to discuss two songs I’ve always found draw a perfect picture of what it feels like to live with these disorders. (This may apply to other mental health diagnoses as well, but these are the ones I have personal experience with and can speak to.)  The songs are “Monster” by Skillet and “Jekyll and Hyde”, by 5 Finger Death Punch…

“Monster” (by Skillet)

I love, love, LOVE this song!  It is, by far, one of my top 10 favorite songs.  It’s just so pertinent.  It’s one of those tunes you can’t help but get revved up by.  My understanding is, the band’s intent with this song was to use the “monster” as a metaphor for sin, or a person being fake and not showing their true selves to the world.

(For those who may not know, Skillet is a Christian rock band.  I can proudly say I liked them back in high school.  We don’t need to talk about how long ago THAT was, 😝 but let’s just say it was well before everyone else thought they were cool. 😉) 

Anxiety as an invisible demon

“The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can’t control it…”

Every time I hear these lyrics I think of my struggle with anxiety. They refer to a monster (the diagnosis) that is caged (invisible).  This is especially relevant as many of us who struggle with mental health disorders are often quite adept at concealing them.  Sometimes, people suffer so silently they aren’t even aware they have a disorder at all, as they’ve never talked with a professional and been diagnosed.  They may think they’re “just a worrier” or that they’re just “different” from other people.  

It’s not uncommon for those who struggle with anxiety to actually be incredibly outgoing, driven, and as a result, quite successful.  This means outsiders may be surprised to hear of their internal struggle, as it isn’t obvious.  The thing about this monster is though, while I can keep it “hidden away” and subdued in its “cage”, I can’t control how it may scream or violently shake its enclosure (i.e. me 😝)…

“…the beast is ugly…”

The beast (the disorder) is nasty.  Dealing with it is exhausting and a constant chore…

“My secret side of me I keep hid under lock and key…”

“…Cause if I let him out he’ll tear me up, break me down…”

I worry that if I slip and allow “the monster” to show its ugly face, that it’ll get out of its cage and I’ll lose control of it–and as a result–lose control of myself.

“It’s hiding in the dark, its teeth are razor sharp
There’s no escape for me…”

“…No one can hear me scream…”

This speaks to the fact that “the monster” causes emotional pain.  It’s difficult to explain to others what it’s like dealing with a mental health diagnosis, so you feel like they can’t understand you.  It makes you feel isolated…due to this, people often suffer in silence.

Anxiety constantly plagues you

“It’s scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls
It comes awake and I can’t control it
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head…”

“…I feel it deep within, it’s just beneath the skin…”

Imagine the frustration of something continuously scratching on the walls around you, constantly picking at you.  You know it can’t physically hurt you, but you also know nothing you do can make it go away, either.  It accompanies you everywhere.  It’s your everpresent, unwanted companion.  

You feel it in your chest, it churns in your gut, it makes thoughts bounce around in your head.  It hides just under your skin, where no one else can see it, but you know it’s there.  You worry that it’s obvious to others though, oftentimes, it’s invisible…  

There is no magic pill for anxiety

“The nightmare’s just begun…”

To me, this phrase speaks to the fact that this disorder is something I’ll, likely, have to deal with for the rest of my life.  There’s no magic pill that will cure me tomorrow.  It’s something I have to accept and deal with.

“Jekyll and Hyde” (by Five Finger Death Punch)

This song, obviously, references the pop culture icon where two souls, one evil, one an upstanding doctor, share the same body.  

Anxiety is a constant anchor around your neck

“There’s just so much..weight on my shoulders
All I’m trying to do is live my…life
Supposed to be happy, but I’m only getting colder
Wear a smile on my face, but there’s a demon inside…”

just like Jekyll and Hyde…”

“…I feel like Jekyll and Hyde…”

This song also reflects the idea of a demon (the anxiety) living in you that you can’t quite control.  It constantly wears on you and drags you down.  You’re continuously dealing with this weight on your shoulders while putting on a brave face for the outside world.  It even speaks to the feeling of guilt that is often present for bothering other people with this struggle because you know that others are struggling far worse than you are.

“I just wanna be Jekyll, but I’m always fighting Hyde…”

“…Everyone I know, they’ve got a demon inside…”

This also alludes to the notion that everyone struggles with problems.  These could revolve around mental or physical health, finances, relationships, a job, or other outside circumstances beyond our control.  Everyone is dealing with something.

In both of these songs, I see “the demon”, “Hyde” or “the monster” as a metaphor for my anxiety symptoms.  They’re always there, waiting to rear their ugly head.  I can usually control them, but sometimes, it’s a struggle.

Battling the “Demons” of Mental Health Disorders

A “demon” or a “monster” is a good way for me to describe my personal experience of the sensation of dealing with mental health diagnoses. Whenever I try to imagine my anxiety in a physical sense, it’s always in the form of a black shadow, with large claws, reaching out to grab me.  Other times, I imagine a beast with its talons already embedded deep within my shoulder–like something out of one of Frank Peretti’s books from the ’80s. 😉  

The “demon” is something I can control.  I own it, not the other way around. However, what I can’t control is the fact that it is consistently present within me.  I may be able to keep it from “breaking out” into the larger world, but it’s still something I have to deal with.  

Are there “perks” to anxiety?

I don’t mean for this post to be a downer.  I actually find both of these songs to be energizing.  Who doesn’t enjoy some hardcore dance moves with a little headbanging thrown in for good measure? 😳😉  I’ve actually come to appreciate, to a degree, some of the insights into life that my anxiety has brought me.  The disorder allows you to better empathize with the hidden struggles others face because you’ve experienced difficulties, personally, as well.  

I also find my anxiety helps me to appreciate life more (in a sense).  When you’re constantly stressing that something may go wrong, it helps you to fully appreciate, even the small things, that turn out right!  The disorder also helps you keep in mind that regardless of how happy and “put together” someone may look on the outside, you have no idea what they may be dealing with privately.  NO ONE has a perfect life, or has it “easy”.  That’s a common bond we all share.  I am thankful that I have learned how to use this struggle as a tool, to deepen my lived experience.  

I don’t expect anyone to pity me for having to deal with this struggle.  This is just the one God (the Universe, Fate–or Whoever/Whatever-you-believe-moves-the-pieces-around-on-this-giant-chessboard-we-call life) dealt for me.  Everyone has challenges placed in their lives, this is mine.  I just hope this allows you a clearer understanding of what life is like when dealing with an invisible illness or unknown, difficult situation.  Maybe we can all use this knowledge to give each other a little break since we’re all dealing with something.

**Below are links to both songs.  For those who aren’t aware, Five Finger Death Punch has an affinity for explicit word use.  I love their music, but in the interest of keeping this blog’s PG rating, I left those words out of the lyrics.  This is a GREAT song though (and it’s got an awesome guitar riff near the end) so I encourage you to click here for the UNRATED, full version. 😁 (But if you’re offended by strong swear words, you’ve been warned. 😉)

You can view the video for “Monster” here. (Anyone who’s heard the song knows one of the best parts is the final chorus line when an electronic demon sound screams “I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER!!!”) 😉

Do you struggle with anxiety or another mental illness?  Is my experience similar to yours?  Tell me about it in the comments!

 

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Cross Country Skiing is Hard! Be Persistent!

This post is a glimpse into the ongoing process of the Tranquil Trekker learning to cross-country ski…

 

Most articles I’ve read about cross-country skiing call it the “easy” winter sport.  You never hear about people having terrible accidents on cross-country skis.  “It’s something even a beginner can do!” they say…these are LIES I tell you, filthy, dirty LIES! 😮😉

Cross-country skiing is HARD!!!

The Trekkers have been cross-country skiing for several years, though we usually only get out a few times each winter. (Life is busy!  We’ve also had such warm winters the last few years it’s hard to keep the snow around–at least snow that isn’t sticky or icy, that is powdery, and actually fun to ski in…have I mentioned how much I hate climate change? 😡) 

This could explain why I’ve struggled so much to grasp the techniques of the sport.  I read somewhere that you have to ski 10,000 kilometers to become skilled at cross-country skiing (it was a Canadian talking. 😝  For those of us living south of the border, that’s over 6000 miles!)  We’ve probably skied less than 100 miles so far, so we’ve got a little ways to go. 😅 

We’ve pretty much done all the stuff you’re supposed to do to learn to ski.  We’ve watched various videos on Youtube, we’ve talked to the “experts” at several sports shops and equipment rental places. (To be fair, we haven’t taken an actual class, I can’t quite bring myself to do that.  I don’t need five-year-olds skiing circles around me to humble my skiing ego.  The bruises and sore muscles I acquire every time we go out take care of that just fine, thank you…Also, comparing my skill to that of a five-year-old is probably insulting…to the five-year-old! 😝)  

An example of what frustrates me so much when all these experts make skiing sound so EASY… “The snowplow technique is an easy and effective way to stop yourself that even beginners can employ.” Will someone please tell me how I’m supposed to do this with six inches to a foot of snow on top of my ski?  Or at the very least, with a six-inch lip of packed, icy snow surrounding the lane my skis are in?!  They don’t tell you THAT in the videos! 😝  

The trainers also say things like, “if you fall, just get your skis under you and roll back up!”  Uh-huh, again, how do I do that when I can’t even see where my skis are under all that snow?  And when I can’t get any leverage, because every time I try to push myself up my arm sinks into the powder up to my shoulder?  Also, I have weak ankles that are “supinated”, meaning they tend to bend outward and I put most of my weight on the outer edge of my feet so I roll my ankles easily and frequently…this causes lots of problems. 😝 (I’m just saying, my lack of skill may not be ENTIRELY my fault, 90% my fault, tops. 😉) 

I think a lot of these “experts” and trainers are used to cross-country ski resorts, where the trails are groomed and the terrain is fairly flat.  They aren’t guiding people in the backcountry, through the secluded (albeit GORGEOUS) national forest, where hills can be steep, turns tight, and you may have to break your own trail.

A ski path traverses a meadow covered in snow and surrounded by trees, all under a clear, blue sky.

Cross-country skiing is easy! (NOT!)

This sport is, supposedly, easy to master.  People don’t usually even wear helmets when engaging in it.  They aren’t needed, you aren’t going that fast.  You hear people say, “if you can walk, you can ski.”  This may be true for some people, but, on a normal day, my feet don’t–usually–slide out from under me (each going an opposite direction) due to their waxed or fish-scaled bottoms. 😝  I do believe the saying is true regarding snowshoeing, I just think skiing takes a bit more finesse.  

Let’s just be blunt here, I pretty much suck at skiing.  Yes, that flailing spider monkey you see SLOWLY making their way down the hill, the one you pray doesn’t hit you…the one you wish would just get out of the way…or the one you just want to avoid entirely…yeah, that’d be me. 😇  I’m the one who, when on skis, falls over…WHILE STANDING STILL…on flat ground!…because I had the audacity to turn my head to look in another direction. 🙄

For those who aren’t familiar with the Eagle Cliff area where we usually ski, it has some groomed trails. (The area is run by volunteers so sometimes you have to be patient for them to finish with the grooming and plowing at the trailheads.)  

To be clear though, it isn’t unusual for us to have to break trail when we go skiing.  Or, if we don’t have to actually cut a trail, oftentimes there is just a two-track ski path available to follow that was recently cut by someone else.  If it was only just created, it may not be packed much yet.  Due to this, we may not have the struggle of breaking through six inches (or more) of fresh powder, but we can still sink with every glide we make as the process of packing the trail is still occurring (it almost feels like walking in sand).  I only stress this to make people aware, we often aren’t dealing with perfectly groomed ski trails here.

Cross-country skiing IS fun! (No really!)

Regardless of the frequent humiliation, when I am able to remain vertical, I really enjoy skiing.  I like the exercise.  I like the way I can glide along, almost soundlessly, through the beauty of the snow-shrouded forest, with just the *wisp-wisp* of the skis slipping through the powdery snow as an accompaniment.   I LOVE seeing the adorable, little, rodent paths crisscrossing the snow as they make their way from snowbank…to fallen log…to tree…

I do feel bad, though, for the rodent whose path suddenly ends in the middle of a large area of wing-swept snow, where it’s obvious that something both much bigger than himself (and with talons) scooped him from his daily business, never to be seen or heard from again. 😳  At least it was a good day for the bird, I guess. 🤭  

I enjoy watching the deer spring effortlessly through the snowpack at our approach.  I always find it fascinating, “reading” the stories the forest “tells”.  In the Black Hills, this often includes the large, padded tracks left in the snow by a giant feline’s paws.  You can picture it stalking the unsuspecting deer herd in the meadow below, from its vantage point on a ledge high above.

Foot prints traverse a meadow covered in snow and surrounded by trees.Learning to cross-country ski

After several years of trying, I have finally learned to use my knees while skiing! (This technique may seem like a no-brainer, but it was a HUGE game-changer for me, so bear with me. 😉)  

I’ve always known a bent-knee stance should help with control, flexibility, and looseness.  Apparently, I’ve just never bent my knees enough. (It’s amazing how well things work when you do them correctly. 😝)  All of a sudden I felt like I hit this sweet spot.  I could finally use the angle of my knees and the weight of my body to turn (a little!)  I could finally attempt the “snowplow” maneuver used for stopping (slightly!)  But, for the first time, I actually felt like I had a little control (“little” being the crucial word). 

I also found, the lower I kept my center of gravity, the easier it was to keel over into a fall if I felt like I was losing control.  I FINALLY conquered my fear of plastering myself into the nearest tree!  Now, if I feel like I’m heading towards a tree and can’t seem to turn the skis from their stubborn track, I can lean to my side and slide to a safe stop–with legs that flail a bit less.  Getting rid of the fear changes everything! (Remember I have anxiety! 😉)  

I recently learned a new trick…plant your heels! This helps when trying to “snowplow” to stop and can help with steering too!

The best method when cross-country skiing actually reminds me of the best method when mountain biking…stay loose!  When you’re fearful or worried, you’re tense; you’re tight; your body can’t flow with the normal rises and falls of the surface you are gliding over.  And if you do fall or hit a bump badly, you’re more likely to injure yourself due to your, already tight, muscles.  So, this newfound ease of mine is a game-changer!   

I also need to learn that I’m not really moving all that quickly.  It just “feels” like I’m careening down the hill at unimaginable speeds.  In the real world, I’m actually just coasting along. 😝

Be persistent when learning a new skill

For me, this has been one of the most frustrating activities we have attempted, but I FINALLY feel like I’m starting to make some progress!  I think there’s a take-home lesson in this.  That is, never give up.  If there is something you enjoy doing, something you have your heart set on, something you want to accomplish, keep working at it, and keep persevering.  You may fail MANY times, but each time is another opportunity to learn a new technique that you can implement on your next attempt.  Each time you try, you get a little better, a little stronger, a little faster.  

Footprints in the snow run through a "tunnel" of leafless trees, all under a clear, blue sky.

I read that the word “F.A.I.L.” can be a positive acronym for:
First
Action
In
Learning 

I like that, it’s empowering.  It helps us to recognize that sometimes failing to do something the first few times–or the first few hundred times–we try it doesn’t have to be a negative experience.  It pushes us beyond the boundaries of our comfort zone.  We can use it to make ourselves better.  Oftentimes, I find failing at something, and thereby having to work hard and be resourceful to achieve it, actually benefits me more in the end than if I had just, easily, succeeded on the first try.  Those difficult experiences are how we learn!

 Regarding skiing, I just have A LOT of learning to do!  😉

What experiences do you have with cross-country skiing?  Tell me about them in the comments!

 

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A Trekker’s Manifesto

In this post I discuss my motivations for writing this blog.

 

“Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home; that wildness is a necessity.”        

― John Muir

Some may wonder why I write this blog…

One of my favorite songs is “Noise”, by Kenny Chesney.  For me, it’s a rallying cry, of sorts, as it well expresses my growing disillusionment with the rat race that is the modern lifestyle.  I firmly believe one of the central problems with modern society is that we are constantly overstimulated with busy lives, busy minds, and busy spirits.  

The song demonstrates how this “noise” that continuously engulfs us makes us miserable.  It is inescapable and unending.  My personal belief is this overstimulation contributes to the anxiety so many feel.  I know, for myself, the anxious symptoms I experience peak when my life feels the most hectic. 

Some lyrics from the song state:

“…Yeah we scream, yeah we shout ’til we don’t have a voice.  In the streets, in the crowds, it ain’t nothing but noise…”

We’re constantly pulled in multiple directions at once:  relationships, chores, work and school, hobbies, attempting-to-find-some-time-to-just-relax! 

“Twenty-four hour television, gets so loud that no one listens…”

In addition, we’re persistently bombarded by 24-hour news cycles, streaming music, and video, our sources of stimulation continue on ad-nauseum…. I can feel my blood pressure rising just THINKING about all of this! 🤯  

Articles are written about the burnout people feel.  How they are striving to “unplug”, to have a better work-life balance, to take back control of their lives.  But then, they’re told to “lean in” and live “well-rounded” lives…

 “There really ain’t no conversation, ain’t nothing left to the imagination…”

From an early age, we’re exposed to so much technology that our creativity is squashed.  Children used to spend hours playing outside, but now their days are filled with activities structured by others and devices that tell them what a game is and how to play it.  We don’t think for ourselves anymore or take a step back and critically examine situations.  Instead, we allow ourselves to be influenced and pressured by what our friends are “liking” on social media, or what our trusted news source is telling us is a fact. 

“…trapped in our phones and we can’t make it stop…”

We’re all adrenaline junkies running around constantly stimulated by the technology that continuously surrounds us.  This stimulation is so persistent that when we have to go more than 30 minutes without the dopamine hits it provides we get anxious and think we’re bored—even though that’s what life is supposed to normally feel like—we just aren’t used to it.  Our phones chirp mercilessly, constantly giving us the recognition we’ve come to crave as it means that someone “liked” our post or tweet, or is trying to contact us so we don’t feel so small and alone…

*This may seem contradictory for a blogger; whose job is dependent on the use of technology.  To be clear, I’m not anti-technology, I’m pro the purposeful and controlled use of it.  It’s a tool that should be used deliberately and within limits, without allowing it to control our lives.*


I write for my love of the outdoors…

“Sometimes I wonder, how did we get here?  …we didn’t turn it on, but we can’t turn it off…”

A woman and hiking gear sits on a rocky ledge, overlooking a lake that is surrounded by tree-covered mountains, all under a blue sky.

We’re constantly surrounded by all this “noise” but we haven’t yet evolved to handle it, and I don’t think we are meant to.  We weren’t designed for the modern-day lifestyle.  Evolution didn’t prepare us for this craziness, because it isn’t a natural thing.  We’re meant to be surrounded by the peace and tranquility that nature brings: the perfectly formed snowflake; the sound of chirping birds and the whistling wind; the silent clamor of snow falling in the woods; the pitter-patter of rain against the window and the “CRASH!” of thunder outside.  We’re meant to feel the sun warm our skin as the wind caresses our face and to smell the fresh, earthy aroma of wet dirt that a fresh rain brings. 

I’m an avid Nature Girl.  I enjoy pretty much any activity that gives me an excuse to be outside.  I’m also high energy (in case that isn’t obvious). 😉  I like the outdoors, active hobbies and I find walls induce claustrophobia.  I grew up as a country-girl, playing in the dirt and fresh air, so, outdoor recreation is a perfect hobby for me. 

This love of nature brings me peace by enjoying the beauty and simplicity of the environment that surrounds us.  Many people find comfort in these things and I think there’s a reason for that, it’s our intended habitat.  It’s where we’re supposed to be, so, we connect with it on a basic, transcendent level.  The most instinctual part of our being longs for it.  I feel my spirit is renewed by nature, so I want to use this blog to encourage others to enjoy this incredible experience, as well.  

For me, this peace is also spiritual, in a sense.  Not everyone agrees with this, and that’s ok, religion is a very personal journey, and everyone has to choose what’s best for them.  I feel my life is richer and I find hope in despairing situations when I embrace the spiritual side of life.  Experiencing nature aids my spiritual journey as it helps me to form a tangible connection to the Creator, by communing with the extraordinary creation.

I’ve enjoyed being out in nature since I was a kid, I especially love the mountains.  I still remember the instant I fell in love with them.  Mr. Trekker and I were enjoying our first road trip together, in 2005, shortly after we both graduated college.  We were at Mesa Verde National Park, standing at one of the lookouts on top of the mesa, with the whole of Colorado stretching before us (maybe THAT’s why I love the state so much?!) 😉  

I remember thinking, “I could live here”, and feeling a connection to the mountains, on a visceral level.  At the time, the Trekkers were preparing to move to North Carolina.  Until then, I had only ever lived in Indiana, this was my first time experiencing the Rockies.  I had visited the Appalachians throughout Pennsylvania and New England on numerous family vacations and had always enjoyed the mountain scenery, but this time, something struck a chord within me… 

It would be six years before we returned to the mountain west, this time to stay.  We’d had enough of the big city, and after numerous adventures in the mountains of western North Carolina, we were hooked on our outdoor activities.  The Black Hills aren’t quite the Rockies, but the smaller towns and simpler way of life—not to mention the frequently beautiful weather—suit me just fine.


I write to describe my struggle with anxiety and (hopefully) to help others who are struggling…

When we moved to South Dakota, I started experiencing frequent symptoms of anxiety.  To make matters worse, I also began noticing depressive symptoms due to SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), thanks to the minimal hours of sunlight–and the resulting Vitamin D deficiency—present in the Northern Plains during the winter.  I set out on a mission to learn methods to alleviate the symptoms I was experiencing, so I began working with a therapist. 

For some, anti-anxiety medications work wonders.  For myself, I hated the woozy, detached feeling I experienced as a side-effect, so I sought out natural and behavior-based methods as an alternative. I have found that by taking a step back from the continuous “noise” of our modern lifestyle, through pursuing outdoor adventures, and by employing intentional methods such as mindfulness, I am able to effectively manage the condition. 

Besides the obvious benefit of a flood of endorphins brought on by physical exercise, I think experiencing nature helps to decrease anxiety symptoms because it has a tendency to test our resolve.  It’s an incredibly humbling–and somewhat frightening—experience when you find yourself at a different location on the trail than you originally thought, and you realize how far you still have to go as the sun sinks ever lower towards the horizon.  Your concern is heightened as the cold wind intensifies, and dark clouds close in.  You come to the very sobering realization that you are at the mercy of Mother Nature and her elements. 

This is a moment where anxiety is truly warranted!  But, it’s also an incredibly empowering moment.  You realize that you’re reliant on your own devices, that your ability to get home rests squarely on your own shoulders…and you CAN do this!  It’s liberating when you do, eventually, make it home safely.  The feat raises your confidence level as you now know that you are capable, and you can handle the challenges life throws at your feet.  It helps you to realize how powerful your inner strength really is!  

I think we often forget that anxiety can be a useful tool.  It’s a natural, beneficial response to an element in our environment that’s posing a risk to us.  But it should be reserved for situations where our safety is actually at risk. Unfortunately, these aren’t the situations that often cause anxiety in modern times.  

Oftentimes, “modern” stress stems from situations that are, frequently, not threatening at all.  As I had a therapist once explain it, “your body doesn’t know the difference between being called into a meeting in your boss’ office and being chased by a saber-toothed tiger!  It responds the same.”  “Good” stress situations (such as finding yourself lost on a trail) help to keep anxious feelings in perspective.  They help us to realize that some circumstances unnecessarily induce anxiety within us.

Beyond personal empowerment, basking in the awesome power of nature helps to remind us that we aren’t the center of the universe. It’s humbling (and relieving) to experience that power overshadows many of our worries, and it helps us to realize that many of them aren’t as unique or catastrophic as we think they are.  What is an impending root canal in comparison to the immense “ROAR!” created as millions of gallons of water pour over a waterfall every day?  Or when you observe the natural forces required to create locations such as the Grand Canyon?


I write for my quest for a more tranquil lifestyle…

“Every room, every house, every shade of noise.  All the floors, all the walls, they all shake with noise.  We can’t sleep, we can’t think, can’t escape the noise, we can’t take the noise so we just make noise!”  

A pristine, mirror-like lake surface reflects the green mountains that surround and tower over it. All under a clear, blue sky.

We were all dropped into this technological soup that we aren’t equipped to handle.  To mitigate the stress brought on by our modern lifestyles, we seek out more stimulation (or noise), when what we really need is rest!  We get worked up from the constant information and news, we worry about our friends and family, about the state of the world.  Then, due to all this, we struggle to sleep at night which just leads to exhaustion, more stress, more anxiety, and depression…WE NEED A BREAK!  We need to be able to take time to just STOP!…relax…take a breath…and enjoy the natural beauty and peace that constantly surround us.

I write this blog because I want to help people find their break.  Through my struggle with anxiety, I’ve found that one of the best ways to control the condition is to actively seek out activities and lengthy amounts of time where I remove the craziness of the modern world from my life and get back to what matters most.  The Bible says, “No man can serve two masters”, and that’s true in life as well.  We seem to know that we need to take control of our lives, but we don’t know how to do so.  This blog is about my search for a more tranquil lifestyle.  I write to help others with a similar desire. 

I find I’m able to mitigate my anxiety symptoms by employing a more tranquil existence.  I strive to maintain a purposeful mindset where I utilize deliberate techniques to control my symptoms, such as mindfulness, meditation, and journaling.  Mindfulness helps us to focus on the present, not an upcoming meeting with the boss or an argument we had with our spouse that morning.  It also helps us to fully enjoy whatever we’re engaging in at that current moment and to make the most of it.  Journaling allows me to relieve the thoughts that are bouncing around in my head in a productive way.  It helps me to view my concerns objectively, and either devise solutions to them or realize they aren’t as concerning as I first thought.   

A peaceful lifestyle helps to lessen anxiety.  This is because the more stressed we become, the lower our tolerance is to handle stressful situations, which increases the likelihood that we’ll feel anxiety regarding them.  In contrast, the calmer we feel, the higher our tolerance to handle stressful situations, and the better adept we’ll be at using coping methods to alleviate any anxiety that results from them.

For myself, tranquility means not constantly feeling hyped up, not constantly dwelling on things to come, or constantly replaying previous conversations in my head.  It means focusing solely on aspects of my life and the world at large that I actually have control over (such as how I respond to circumstances).  For elements of life that we can’t control, worrying about them doesn’t help anyway, so why bother? (To be clear, this is easy to say, but NEVER easy to accomplish in practice.  This is one of those skills I toil with on a daily basis.)

 These practices have led me to a more fulfilling life, a decrease in symptoms of anxiety, and greater control over the disorder.  Writing this blog also helps me return my focus to nature and the things I enjoy.  It helps me focus on positive things and reminds me of the empowering effect of the activities we pursue; how they stretch the bounds of my comfort zone and show me how capable I really am.  I hope by sharing these experiences with others I can be a vehicle to help lead them to a more tranquil, thoughtful, and less anxious experience, as well.


I write the blog as a guidebook of sorts…

Several road maps are piled on top of each other on a table. A "Road Atlas" and maps of "Colorado) and "Wyoming" are prominent.

I also write this blog as a type of guidebook, to share the adventures we’ve had and to assist others who may want to follow in our footsteps (so to speak).  I truly enjoy traveling, the sites we see, and the random hodgepodge of people we meet. 

Since we live in the Black Hills of South Dakota, my posts primarily focus on activities in that area.  However, Mr. Trekker and I are also avid travelers, so I also outline the various journeys we embark on around the country.  The Trekkers engage in an eclectic mix of outdoor activities including hiking, biking, canoeing, exploring 4-wheel-drive roads, car camping, cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, and road trips, among others.  

I want to encourage others to try activities that are outside their comfort zone, while at the same time giving them practical, useful tips to help make that experience as painless as possible. I want to spark their interest in new activities, but also give them an awareness of what hurdles may lie in their path so that they can embark on their adventures well-prepared.  For those who may be unable to partake of some of these sites, I hope to bring the experience to them, in a sense, through my writing.


To Conclude:

Rear view of a woman walking along a trail through trees in a forest

The techniques listed above have empowered me to take more control of my anxiety.  I don’t put my issues out there to garner pity from others.  Rather, I seek to relate my personal struggles with the disorder, as well as the methods I’ve learned to help control it.  I want this blog to be a place where others can come to acquire these tools for themselves. 

I’ve accepted the fact that my anxiety is a part of me, that it’s something I will, likely, live with for the rest of my life.  But, that doesn’t mean I have to allow it control over my life.  I strive, every day, to reign in those worrisome thoughts and emotions and use them to improve myself.  There will be some tough days.  Sometimes, the anxiety will win.  But that’s just one day.  Life is a marathon, not a sprint!  The sun WILL rise again tomorrow!  So, when we have a bad day, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and press on!

Part of what I love about the outdoors is that nature cuts out the BS.  It takes away our technology and gets us back to basics.  It humbles us as it forces us to acknowledge there are some things in life we can’t control.  Along with that, though, it helps us to understand that some of the things that cause us anxiety aren’t really as threatening as we might first think.  Nature gets us back to our intrinsic roots.  I find that one of the rare times I can truly put my mind and spirit at peace is when I’m engaging with and appreciating the natural world, in all its glory.  I want to share that with others. 

So, some may ask, “why do I write this blog and spend so much time outside?”  To that I answer, “to escape the noise!”

*Ya’ll, I’m telling you, this song is awesome.  If you aren’t familiar with it, I BEG you, go listen to it.  This is three-and-a-half minutes that IS worth your time (the video is pretty cool, too).  For your convenience, I’ve linked to it here.  Pay careful attention to the last couple of shots near the end, see if you notice a common theme…*

Therapy Lamp and Calm App Reviews

I review a light, therapy lamp and an app I use to decrease symptoms of anxiety and seasonal depression.

 

I’ve mentioned before that I struggle with general anxiety as well as SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), and that I prefer behavioral treatment methods over psychotropic medications.  Below are two, non-medication, products that I use regularly and that I find help greatly, a therapy lamp and the Calm app:

Light Therapy Lamp

During the fall and winter, as the daylight wanes, this tool is a must for me (these have been documented to help decrease the symptoms of SAD.)  There are several versions of this device, but this is the specific, light therapy lamp I use several months out of the year.  

You have to be careful which ones you buy as they need to provide at least 10,000 lux of light, the minimum wavelength required to stimulate your brain correctly.  Unfortunately, the good ones aren’t cheap.  The old adage is true, however, “you get what you pay for”.  When you’re experiencing several dark, cloudy days in a row, I find this helps, significantly, so it’s worth the cost.  

Other Vitamin D3 options:  Nature’s Bounty, Nature Made 2000 IU tablets, NOW softgels

This is not a perfect replacement for true sunlight, and it offers no source of Vitamin D3 (I mentioned previously that I enhance my levels with supplements in the winter months).   But, when you’re struggling amid a string of several gray days–and especially when you’re driving both to work and home in the dark 😝–this device helps to brighten up your world a little bit.  

A word of warning, because of the way it stimulates your brain, it can cause sleep disturbances if it’s used too closely to bedtime.  I use it in the morning and evenings, in the kitchen, when I’m preparing meals or doing dishes.  Those are the times I notice the lack of daylight the most and these timeframes don’t affect my sleep habits.  You’re supposed to sit within a certain distance of the lamp, though I find just having it in the same room I’m in and being able to see the light provides relief.

Other therapy lamp choices:  Happy Light Luxe; Happy Light full-size; Happy Light UV-free; Happy Light Alba; Happy Ligh Lumi; Happy Light Compact; Happy Light Touch

The Calm App

Another tool I LOVE (and use throughout the year) is the Calm app, available for Android and IOS.  Several versions of the app exist, including a free, limited version–this is the one I use.  

The app showcases multiple relaxing sounds (including heavy rain, a thunderstorm, waves, and a sunny lake), and white noise options (such as floating clouds or deep space).  These are complemented by animated scenes that are incredibly beautiful to watch.  

The paid versions also offer spoken meditation podcasts and sleep stories.  You can visit the app’s website here or search for it on the App Store.  I cannot recommend this product enough (I’ve gotten Mr. Trekker using it as well! 😁)

If you find yourself struggling with the ever-increasing darkness of the winter season, or just need help calming your mind, check out these products!

Have you ever used these tools?  Tell me about your experiences in the comments!

 

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Black Elk Peak, Trail #9 (the Difficult, Northern Route)

In this post, I detail our attempts to conquer Trail #9, the difficult/northern route up Black Elk Peak.

 

Black Elk Peak, formerly Harney Peak, is the highest point in the Black Hills and one of the most sought-after hikes in this area. 

In case you aren’t aware of it (and as I outlined in this post), the name of this mountain changed just a few years ago and they’re still working on updating all the signs and maps.  

There are multiple trail options for getting to the summit.  The most popular route is the southern portion of Trail #9, the Black Elk Peak Trail, that starts at Sylvan Lake.  However, in this post, I’m going to talk about the far less-traveled (and far more difficult) northern portion of this same trail.

It is a little confusing because the names are the same.  Be watchful for this (there are signs!)}  This portion of the trail is actually shorter than the southern route, but it is far steeper, which is why it is more difficult.  

Accessing the Black Elk Peak Northern Route Trailhead

There are a number of ways to access this portion of the trail.  One of the easiest is from the Willow Creek Horse Camp off of Route 244.  You will find it directly across the road from the Mount Rushmore KOA campground (and around six miles west of Mount Rushmore. 

The Willow Creek Trail is an easy and fairly short loop that makes for a great, quick hike.  It is only around two miles in length and you can enjoy it in either direction.  You will need to start on the Willow Creek Trail to reach the Black Elk Peak Trail which branches off about halfway through the Willow Creek loop.   

1st Attempt to Conquer Black Elk Peak, the Hard Way

We’re standing at Black Elk Peak, we’ve been on the trail for five hours, the guidebook we’d consulted said the trail options we chose were only around eight, total miles long.  We now KNOW that can’t be right as our GPS says we’re well over five miles into the hike and we’ve only reached the summit.  It’s 5 p.m. and…it’s starting to drizzle…  

We had used the Lost Cabin trailhead off Palmer Creek Road to ascend the mountain on this attempt.  We weren’t sure if we’d make it the whole way or just turn back at some point, but at lunchtime, we were nearly four miles in and the book had said it was only an eight-mile trek so…this is a lesson in listening to your gut.  When your guidebook (and/or GPS) say one thing, but while looking at the map and using human logic your gut says another…ALWAYS listen to your gut!  😝

Fortunately, it was Memorial Day weekend so we had guaranteed daylight until 8:30 pm or so, and we had headlamps with us. (This was one of the only, true, “uh oh” moments I’ve ever had on a trail.  The thought crossed my mind that we could be facing a long, cold night.).   

We did, eventually, make it down safely, and with daylight remaining.  We even managed to save one set of dry pants, each, to change into when we got back to the car!

After descending this trail in drier conditions, I’m somewhat impressed we made it down as safely and easily as we did.  Water trickles over the large, boulder steps on sunny days, so, on rainy days, it can turn into a veritable river in spots! 

The path is steep and technical enough on its own, in the rain and growing darkness, it can get muddy and slippery very quickly–portions of it literally turn into mini-waterfalls from water running down the slope!  I thank Mr. Trekker for suppressing my tendency to rush…I hate this trail.  😝  

This trail system is a beast!  Mr. Trekker and I almost had a dead limb fall on us on another, nearby trail during a hike a few years ago, on a day that wasn’t particularly windy. 😳

A large tree limb lies across a dirt path that meanders through the woods
This big guy is the one that almost fell on us!
IMG_0397
See the limb?  See the trail?  About five minutes before this fell we walked through this area.  We then stopped for some lunch and were startled by the “CRASH!” when it fell!

2nd Attempt to Conquer Black Elk Peak’s North Route

It’s a beautiful, sunny day.  We began hiking fairly early in the morning.  One problem with Trail #9 is its exposure.  It used to be fairly shaded…until the pine beetles had their way.  That and the resultant logging to lessen the danger of falling, dead trees has culminated in A LOT of sun exposure.  Fortunately, a breeze is often present…but not always…  

The heat got the Trekkers on this day (especially me).  I’ve mentioned before that I don’t do well with heat. We made it about halfway to the summit, to the point where it really starts to get difficult.

I call this “the Boulder Section” because you have to clamber across a long length of boulders while negotiating a rather steep incline–this is the section that becomes mini-waterfalls in wetter conditions.

After this section comes the first phase of mind-numbing switchbacks (that’s right, I said FIRST! 😝)  You then proceed to a flatter section, before the final phase of switchbacks, which takes you to the junction with the Black Elk Peak Summit Trail (a short, spur trail).  

About the time we reached the “Boulder Section”, I started suffering from stomach cramps and nausea, similar to what I experienced when I became overheated hiking in Glacier National Park several years ago.  Due to this, we made the wise decision to turn back…have I mentioned that I HATE THIS TRAIL?! 😩  

3rd Attempt…SUCCESS!!!

It’s a, fairly cool, July day (lower 80’s).  Earlier that week we had returned from a 10-day trip to the Colorado High Country that I outlined in these four posts.  Due to hanging out at 8000 – 10,000 feet throughout that trip, we were especially acclimated to the altitude. (Black Elk Peak, at a little over 7000 feet, is not only the highest peak in the Black Hills, but it is also the highest peak in the country east of the Rockies).  I honestly felt in my gut that if I ever hoped to vanquish this monster, this was the time to do it.  All conditions were perfect, we were both feeling great and it was a beautiful day!  

We made it through the easy, early section with no difficulty.  We happily said “hello” to others on the trail, and avoided the occasional “remnant” from horses that had gone before us. 🤥  We reached “the Boulder Section”…my first nemesis.  We conquered that fairly easily as well!  

Then, we reached the first section of switchbacks.  Fortunately, the shade was on our side at that time of the day.  It was starting to hurt…but we made it through.

The next section traverses a ridge that parallels Black Elk Peak, so it is fairly flat.  This is beneficial as it’s also fairly exposed.  

This area affords lovely views of the crags that lord over you from nearby peaks, and the panoramic vistas of the plains to the east (on clear days).  Buzzards soar on the thermals high above your head (waiting for beleaguered hikers to falter? 🤔) There are also several, lovely, lookout points along the way that make for a great break/lunch spot.  We stopped at a couple, both on the trek up and down the mountain.

Rear view of a woman in hiking gear, standing on a large rock, looking out over a mountainous vista, all under a blue sky.

Then…we hit the final section of switchbacks.  Both of us had just started feeling the altitude a bit (we were pushing 7000 feet at that point).  This was the only spot where I started feeling ill.  Fortunately, it was still early afternoon and we were in a shaded, quiet area, so we were able to take some time to rest and recover.  

And then…

…we began our final push…

…as we rounded one, final switchback…

…and crested one, final rise in the trail…

…we saw a brown sign appear in the distance, indicating our destination was just ahead…

…WE HAD MADE IT!!! 😁  

A wooden sign on a wooden post in the woods that reads, "Harney Peak, Tr. 9" and "Sylvan Lake 3.5", both with arrows pointing to the correct direction
My ray of hope, the sign at the top of the trail!

Seriously ya’ll, I almost broke down in tears!  I get emotional now, just thinking about it.  It had taken us three attempts to conquer this beast!

I maintain this is the toughest trail I’ve ever completed in the entire Black Hills.  It has a reputation for being “a doozy”.  It’s long, it’s difficult, it’s exposed, and the weather can change at a moment’s notice.  Fog and rain can seep in, which is an experience unto itself. (You won’t have the grand vistas that you’ll see on clearer days, but the granite columns materializing through the mist create a spooky gloom that is definitely worth experiencing, just watch your footing!)    

Descending the Northern Route of Black Elk Peak

On the way down…we ran out of water (seriously).  With the exception of another difficult trek in Glacier National Park, this almost NEVER happens!  We usually return with a liter or so left in each of our water bladders.  

It was projected to be a fairly cool day and we wanted to limit weight as much as possible– due to the strenuous hike–so we didn’t fill them quite to their max, fill line.  I will NEVER make that mistake, in July, again!  

Fortunately, by the time we ran out, we were only about 1.5 miles from the trailhead, it was all downhill from there and we had reached the easier portion of the trek. (Also, fortunately, a gas station in Hill City, the nearest town, had LARGE Gatorades for sale! 😜) 

 

Have I mentioned that I HATE this trail?!  I don’t think I’ve ever said that about a hike before.  I am SO GLAD that we finally beat this brute, but seriously, I don’t know that I’d do it again.  

I may consider it with two cars, one parked at Sylvan Lake so you can take the easy route up, and the other parked at Willow Creek trailhead as descending the hard route isn’t too bad…as long as it isn’t raining. 😝  (Or, find a nice friend who will shuttle you between the two points).  Or I would try ascending the Lost Cabin trail and descending this one again.  

Below are some pics from our day of achievement! 😁 (Thanks, as usual, to Mr. Trekker for some of these!)

View over a forested mountainside with lots of dead trees. At the top of the mountain sits a silhouette of a stone building.
Our first glimpse of the fire tower on the summit!
View over a forested, mountainside vista with lots of dead trees.
My Hills!  You can see the sparseness of the foliage in the foreground.
View over a forested, mountainside vista with lots of dead trees. Flatter plains are in the far background through the haze. Random, rock mountains rise from the surrounding forest.
If you look closely, you can see the plains, far in the distance.  I “think” one of those rock faces is the backside of Mt. Rushmore! 🤔
View through sparse pine trees of large, craggy rocks, all under a clear, blue sky
This view of the nearby crags is on the first set of switchbacks
A standing, dead, tree trunk that has had the bark and most of the trunk chewed/whittled away in the middle, stands in the sparse forest, all under a clear, blue sky
Not really sure what happened here?!  Deer or elk perhaps?  Looks like somebody has been gnawing on it!

Conquer Fear by Reaching your Goals

This trail had beaten us twice before, but we had finally defeated it!  If we hadn’t already been acclimated to the altitude, it may have won again.  This was a personal goal of mine that I had wanted to achieve for years! 

This trail had made me sick, it left me with (several) blisters, it hurt me, it caused lingering anxiety to even think of attempting it again, and it pushed the limits of my endurance.  But…I beat it!  

Reaching this goal was an incredibly empowering, inspiring experience.  This was, truly, my “white whale”.  It’s hard to express my sense of accomplishment for finally completing this hike.  I know others have done it and claim it “isn’t that bad”.  I know it’s not a “14-er”, but so what?  I don’t hike “14-ers”! 😉  This was a personal goal and desire I had set for myself and I had achieved it!  What could be more empowering than that!

I don’t mean to sound like I’m bragging.  My point is just that, each person has their own, personal goals, whether they be to learn a new skill, to conquer a specific challenge, etc.  

Don’t compare yourself to others.  Only be concerned that you push yourself to expand your comfort zone.  It doesn’t matter what the goal is, as long as you strive to achieve it and, perhaps, find a way to trounce a few personal demons along the way.  👊

Have you attempted this trail?  What other difficult goals have you set for yourself and achieved?  Tell me about your experiences in the comments! 

 

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